angelic_archer | Supernatural Fight Club?

Supernatural Fight Club?

Izzy had told him to ignore how often his parabatai disappeared from the Institute. She told him that jealousy was an ugly emotion and that he needed to move beyond. He had to accept that his crush was nothing more than teenage fantasies and quit wishing for things that he couldn't have. Alec knew that she didn't say it to be hurtful. She knew how much he loved Jace, but they both were certain that those feeling would never be returned. Even when she was blunt and reminded him of the Law, she meant it as a kindness. Too bad it wasn't as simple to turn off emotions as Alec pretended.

He never said anything about how often Jace disappeared to go find some one night stand. At least not for reasons related to his aching heart. Instead he warned Jace about Mundanes finding out about Shadowhunters or possibly needing him for a mission. Or even, when he was feeling brave and foolish, asking him to stay because Alec missed him.

Jace rarely listened and Alec spent his nights restless, wandering the Institute until he was certain that his parabatai was home safe. Most of the time, he lurked in the shadows, watching Jace hurry to his rooms. He tried not to look too hard, afraid he'd see signs of the brief affairs on his parabatai's skin.

At least he hadn't until he'd noticed that Jace was coming home bruised. Alec never confronted him no matter how much he wanted to know why his parabatai was hurt. Something was going on and he knew that if he pushed at the wrong time, Jace would lash out just as he had when they were boys. So he kept watch, heart aching when he saw each injury.

Tonight he probably should have pretended he didn't notice but there was something about how Jace had crept past Alec's hiding place that made it impossible to keep ignoring what was happening. He gave Jace time to shower and get settled then he went to Jace's room. Anticipating that the door would be locked, Alec drew a rune to unlock the door. Stepping inside, he slipped his stele back into his pocket. "Busy night?"

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The worst part of getting caught with his hand down the front of his pajama pants was being too stiff and in too much pain to move properly. He was still painfully hard after his shower, his vivid imagination being stronger than the searing water and throbbing in his head and ribs. His fingers were split and bruised, the edges of skin catching on the fabric when he did finally pull his hand free.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed, bare foot and shirtless because he couldn't raise his left arm high enough. He vaguely remembered getting punched in the shoulder. Right before his head hit the concrete floor. He'd won, but it certainly didn't feel like a win at all with Alec in his room catching him trying and failing to masturbate.

Winning had never been the purpose. Exhaustion. Pain. The inability to think or feel by the time he made it back to his room. That was the reason he found himself fighting in a supernatural fight club. The only rules. He couldn't use his stele or weapons.

Muttering a curse under his breath, Jace used the bedpost to stand and then almost immediately regretted it. He wasn't hard anymore, not like in the shower, but he was slightly nauseous.

"You could have knocked. I would have let you in." After he'd put on a shirt, found his stele, and...and what? Hid behind the door? Lied? He couldn't lie to Alec. Hiding the truth was one thing. Lying was something completely different. And he couldn't hide now.

Not even when he couldn't meet Alec's gaze and tried to lean casually against the bedpost as if he hadn't just used it as a crutch.

Edited 2019-01-16 02:46 (UTC)

When he'd drawn the unlocking room, Alec had felt a pang of guilt. In the past he wouldn't have needed to force his way into Jace's bedroom. When they were kids, they were always welcome in each other's space, sneaking from one room to the other depending on whatever whim caused them to decide one bedroom was better than the other. As they grew up and Alec's feelings for Jace became less platonic, they hadn't shared a room as often. But lately Jace had been pushing Alec away and he knew that if he'd knocked, Jace would have ignored him or found some other way to hide.

As he shut the door behind him, he didn't realize what he'd interrupted. Even after he'd turned around, it took a few seconds for Alec to process what he was seeing. Jace obviously hard. Obviously attempting to deal with that particular 'problem'. Instantly, Alec's face heated, his blush almost painfully hot. He'd seen Jace naked before. During the rare times they'd fallen asleep together as teenagers, they'd woken up tangled together, both of them hard but neither one of them commenting on the awkwardness later. But he'd never walked in on Jace when he was...

Abruptly, Alec looked down, staring at the floor with an intensity he normally reserved for target practice. He began stuttering out an apology when he noticed how Jace wasn't standing right, jerking his attention upward in time to see how his parabatai seemed to be swaying on his feet.

Before he realized what he was doing, he was across the room, arm going around Jace's waist, muttering a curse under his breath as he began to catalog all the bruises that marred his parabati's torso. "Sure you would have. If you could make it to the door." Which Alec doubted would be possible unless Jace crawled. Even then it probably would take Jace an alarmingly long time to let Alec in. "What the hell happened to you?"

If he closed his eyes and pretended-No. Not even for a moment. Jace forced himself to open his eyes, trying not to lean into Alec, but the nausea grew almost unbearable and he was regretting not using a healing rune. Not because he felt like hell. Because Alec had seen and asked a question he had no way of avoiding. Not without lying.

"I made it out of the shower." Sitting down was a far better option than falling down so Jace tried to ease himself back down onto the bed, forgetting that Alec had his arm around him. At least he wasn't hard anymore he realized. Fear and the desire to puke all over the person you're stupidly in love with can do that. "It's not as bad as it looks."

Not a lie. It probably does look worse than it felt.

"Tag teamed by a couple of werewolves. I'm okay, Alec. I just need to sit down."

The closer he was to Jace's injuries, the worse they looked. He could almost feel a hint of Jace's pain through the bond... he should have been able to feel more than just the faint twinges that were only noticeable if he focused. What the hell had happened to Jace?

The cursing became more fluent and in more languages as he slowly eased Jace onto the bed. "I'm surprised you didn't drown in there." Sitting down beside his parabatai, he pulled his stele from his pocket and activated the rune on Jace's side. "Sure it's not," he muttered, impatiently waiting to see if any of the wounds would begin to heal as the rune began to glow.

"Tag teamed by werewolves?" He knew he sounded like an idiot, dumbly repeating what Jace had said but it didn't make sense. Luke's pack might not like Shadowhunters, but they wouldn't attack one without being provoked. Alec might believe that some of the other Nephilim might instigate something but Jace liked the wolves. He wouldn't hurt them for the sick reasons Valentine and the Circle hunted them. "If you were attacked, why didn't you call me? I'm your parabatai." And the head of the Institute. If anyone needed to know that Shadowhunters were being attacked, it was Alec.

It was because it was Alec that he could feel the heat of the rune working to heal him. It was because it was Alec that he shouldn't let himself feel relief or feel anything while he was right next to him, touching him, worrying about him. Tonight was different. It had been a while since his last fight and he'd needed it, but he'd gone too far. There had been bruises, even broken bones, but this was the worst he'd felt.

"I think it's going to take more than one tonight."

He knew how it had sounded and hearing Alec parrot it back to him sounded worse.

"I wasn't attacked."

This is where he can't lie. This is where he has to tell Alec the truth. How much of the truth he has no idea, but this is the moment that changes everything he's been trying to protect. That thought alone makes him wish he didn't have to heal. he deserves the pain, he needs it to stay focused.

"It's a underground fighting club."

He was going to puke, he was sure of it, but there was no way he was going to make it to the bathroom.

"Okay. It's as bad as it looks. Give me another before I-" He covered his mouth and made a gagging noise that just made the nausea worse and yet somehow managed to not make a mess of them both.

By the Angel, what had happened to Jace? They'd went on missions and been overrun by demons and Jace had come away from the hunt with less injuries than this. Even on their craziest, most dangerous missions, he'd never been hurt this badly.

Alec knew that he needed to draw another rune. Call in a medic, but for a moment all he could do was stare and try to reach through the bond. It was almost like it wasn't there. Their bond was so faint that all Alec could feel were echoes. That realization turned his stomach almost as much as the realization of the extent of Jace's injuries.

"Underground fighting club?" He sounded like an idiot, repeating the more insane comments his parabatai said, but it was so beyond anything Alec had imagined while he watched Jace sneak back into the Institute that he could barely comprehend what was going on. The trysts that he'd discussed with Izzy were actually fights.

At least I don't have to deal with rogue werewolves. That had to be the only good aspect of the entire situation.

One that was made worse when Jace started gagging. Head wound. Briefly ignoring everything that the nausea could signify, Alec began tracing an iratze across the nape of Jace's neck. Then he began drawing every rune he could think of that might help along his parabatai's shoulders. "You need to see a medic. You have a concussion." Or something worse that Alec didn't want to consider. "There's probably internal injuries."

If he were honest with himself, Jace couldn't even begin to explain how he'd ended up this way, not when he was focusing on trying to control every aspect of his rebellious body. As Alec drew the runes there was a strange mix of relief and dizziness he hadn't noticed before. He had the sudden desire to lay down, find warmth, and hold on tightly to Alec.

At least the gagging and nausea seemed to be fading enough he could speak without risking making a mess everywhere.

"When I can't sleep....I don't report them so long as they don't involve Mundanes and in exchange they let me go a few rounds in the cage."

Probably not something he would tell the head of the Institute, but it was something Alec had a right to know as his friend and parabatai. The rest was far more complicated and he knew the questions would come and he knew he would answer them. Somehow this all had to end.

"No medic. Please." His head felt too heavy to hold up, his hands gripping the edge of the bed, he wanted to close his eyes and pretend they were reading together, like when they were kids, and Alec would stay with him. "I'm so sorry, Alec." He was so tired. More tired than he could remember feeling. "I'm so sorry."

Taking a slow breath, he tried to separate his feelings from the situation so he could think instead of acting impulsively. Biting his lip, he fought back a snarky comment meant to hide how afraid he was. He'd never seen Jace like this. He should be in the infirmary or with the Silent Brothers not lurking in his room.

And as the Head of the Institute... He had to think of that aspect of the situation later. After he was sure his parabatai hadn't been permanently damaged because of some idiotic idea that a cage fight was the cure for insomnia.

Wrapping his arms around Jace to help support him, he knew he couldn't agree to what Jace asked. "Jace, you're badly hurt. You're not thinking clearly. Runes aren't going to fix this." He could draw a dozen of them but he wouldn't be certain that they'd heal everything. Iratzes could heal terrible injuries but they didn't make Shadowhunters immortal. "You need medical attention. I can't feel you." Which made all of this worse. Even if he was be in agony from Jace's wounds, at least he'd know that they were still connected. Jace wasn't slipping away. "I need to call the medics."

Jace tried shaking his head 'no'. He thought he was shaking his head. He wasn't sure anymore. Between the overwhelming desire to sleep and to cling to Alec, to beg him to stay, he wasn't sure of anything. He'd been fighting more than werewolves, emotional demons and his fathers voice in his head, and tonight felt like some sort of breaking point.

"Love destroys." But he was destroying himself and dragging Alec down with him. "I can't feel you anymore either. I'm so lost, Alec. I'm so tired." It wasn't until Alec said he couldn't feel him that he realized it himself. He'd been trying so hard to hide, to distance himself so he wouldn't feel or love or give himself away with a look or a touch.

Regret was a bitter cold emotion that made him want to grab Alec and hold on to him until he was warm again. Jace thought of the first time he'd met Alec. His smile. The weeks following. All the smiles directed at him. Bright, happy. He couldn't remember the last time Alec smiled at him or the last time he'd smiled because of Alec.

"No...no medics. Just you." He slowly lifted his head and tried to focus on Alec's face. "I just need you."

"It'll be okay, Jace." He kept repeating that over and over along with whatever else he thought might keep his parabatai calm. Alec wanted the words to be true, but with how erratic Jace was acting, he wasn't certain that it was true. They'd had head injuries over the years, but none of them had this serious. Or caused the bond to be nearly nonexistent.

"Love doesn't destroy. Your father was wrong." His heart ached as he tried to remain calm. If Jace fell asleep, Alec didn't know if his parabatai would wake up again. Maybe that was why the bond was so weak. Jace was...

No, he was going to get help even if Jace hated him for it later. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his phone. "I won't leave. I need you too." As he spoke, he texted the infirmary and telling them that he needed help in Jace's room. "Just don't fall asleep, okay? I need you to stay awake."

"I want him to be wrong. I need him to be wrong about this because I can't live without you. I can't." Crying was a very bad physical reaction because it made his head ache. It made every bruise, every broken rib throb painfully. The shower had dulled the pain enough that he had thought he could sleep it off, but then he'd started thinking about Alec and why he'd decided tag teaming werewolves was such a great idea. Fast forward to him sitting on his bed, trying and failing to get off, and Alec walking in on him.

Getting caught with his hand in his pants and looking like shit. Feeling like shit. For a lot of reasons he couldn't even begin to organize as thoughts and form words to explain.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to get here. I've been so scared of what could happen if I let myself feel. It's my fault you can't feel me. I don't know how, but it has to be me. I did this to us."

He had no idea how heavily he was leaning into Alec, eyes closed because he simply couldn't focus past the everything he'd been keeping hidden deep down inside of himself. It wanted out. He wanted out. He wanted Alec and nothing, not even taking on two werewolves, could change that or stop it.

"He is wrong. You won't lose me." Alec hoped that was true. Over the years he'd become as much of an expert on parabatai as anyone outside the City of Bones could be and he'd never read anything about what was happening to their bond. There were cases of it being muted or losing that connection but it usually took exile or the stripping of runes for that to happen. It didn't happen between parabatai who were sitting next to each other, who were holding each other.

"You don't have to apologize. We'll work it out." Alec wasn't sure if that was true. This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't sure how to even begin to fix it. "You don't have to take the blame." They probably both were responsible for what had happened unless the head wound was causing the distance in the bond.

He kept speaking, trying to keep Jace from falling asleep until he heard a knock on the door. He told the medics to come in, still keeping his arms around Jace until they entered. "Jace, I'll stay with you but you have to let them heal you. Promise me that you'll do what they say."

Alec's voice was so far away and growing more distant. He could hear his words and he wanted to open his eyes and talk to him. He needed to explain everything, beg for forgiveness, anything to keep Alec by his side. But all he could manage was focusing on their bond, the parabatai rune that had seemed to grown cold.

Jace knew before he even could open his eyes that he was no longer in his room. He was still exhausted, but the pain had faded to a dull ache that he recognized. He was healing, no longer nauseous, no longer in a frantic state of desperate confusion. He remembered feeling lost, scared, guilt and regret.

As scared as he was of the consequences he also felt relived. He would tell Alec everything. His father had said loved destroyed and to be loved was to be destroyed. But he'd been destroying himself running away from his feelings for Alec. And here Alec was. Still by his side.

"Alec."

If Alec hadn't been lying for years to cover for Jace's antics, he probably would have gotten them both in trouble. Thankfully no one thought too seriously about his story about a rogue werewolf since Luke had mentioned them during the last meeting Alec had held with the alpha. He'd managed to give Luke a warning about it, promising to explain what was happening later once Jace was out of danger.

Alec assumed that after he told Luke about the fight club, that particular problem would disappear. The Downworld wouldn't want the Shadowhunters investigating. There'd probably be a report from the pack stating that the offenders had been dealt with and Alec would be able to brush the investigation under the rug.

That problem gave Alec something to focus on while he waited for Jace to recover. He was never too far from the bed, leaving only to deal with the necessities and always hurrying back. Izzy sat with him for awhile, giving him sympathetic looks and telling him that he had to fix whatever was wrong. Too bad he didn't know how to fix it. How did parabatai fix breaking bonds?

When Jace spoke, Alec jerked out of the doze he'd managed to fall into despite the uncomfortable chair beside Jace's bed. Gently squeezing his parabatai's hand, he blinked away the gritty feeling that blurred his eyes and focused on Jace. "I'm here."

"You look as tired as I feel." Jace squeezed Alec's hand and tried, failing to smile more than a twitch of his lips. Any other day and he'd be rolling out of the bed and insisting he was fine, ready to leave and prove he was everything everyone always believed he was.

But the only person who mattered to him right then was Alec.

"I'm sorry. For everything."

It was a start. More than he'd been capable of admitting for a long time even if he was still terrified of what might happen. There was one thing he was absolutely sure of. He wouldn't survive losing Alec.

"I can't look that bad. You were the one with internal injuries." Despite the protest, Alec's jaw popped as he yawned. Looking sheepish, he scrubbed his face with his free hand. He felt tired and filthy despite Izzy regularly forcing him to eat and shower.

"You should be sorry. It was bad for awhile." Not as bad as some injuries that the medics had seen but bad enough that the silent rune had Alec wondering if Jace wasn't going to make it. "How do you feel?"

Alec looked like he'd slept in that chair for longer than a few hours, but he didn't want to ask how long he'd been out. If Alec said it was bad then it was really bad. But was it bad enough to break their bond?

Jace considered for a moment simply saying he felt better or fine or just being partially honest and saying he was exhausted, because he was. But the answer he gave was the only one he could give and he knew he had to be completely honest with Alec. About everything.

"Scared." He swallowed, realizing how dry his throat felt. "Exhausted."

Alec was ready for the usual answers that Jace gave when he was hurt. The 'I'm fine's and the 'I just need some rest's that accompanied any injuries that Jace earned during a mission. The 'scared' was new and unnerving.

Noticing the rasp in Jace's voice, Alec poured a glass of water from the pitcher on the table beside them. Without considering whether Jace would want the help or not, he slid his arm behind Jace's shoulders, supporting him as he offered his parabatai the glass. It was something so familiar, something Alec had done dozens of times after missions that had gone wrong that he didn't even consider that his parabatai might not want the help.

"I'm scared too," he said softly. "This is the closest I've come to losing you."

Jace didn't protest. He didn't want to argue. He didn't want to deny anything, afraid he'd fall back into the habit of running away, hiding from Alec. He couldn't do that again. If he did he wasn't sure he'd survive it.

He wasn't sure either of them would.

"I'm sorry."

Slowly, carefully, he sat up, grateful for the water. It made it easier to say what he needed to say.

"I still can't feel you. I didn't realize until you said it, but I haven't felt you for a long time. I've been too focused-too scared-I know this is my fault."

"You don't have to keep apologizing, Jace." Alec was still angry, but he knew that was partially a reaction to his fear. He didn't know why the bond was so weak or why Jace had decided that brawling with werewolves was a better alternative than trying to get help.

"I felt faint echoes of you before you passed out. But I haven't felt anything either." Alec should have realized that it meant that there was something wrong, but he'd been focused on trying to keep his feelings hidden. Any time he'd thought he was showing too much of his own emotions, Jace had shied away. It was easier to hide what he felt and not think about the bond than to deal with the hurt caused by that reaction. "It wasn't just your fault. I should have noticed that there was something wrong with the bond."

"Can we-" Jace started shifting so he could sit on the edge of the bed. He wouldn't deny or argue that Alec did the right thing, but this was not a conversation he wanted to have here. Where others could hear them and where eventually he knew Clary or Izzy would find him. "It's not the bond, Alec. It's me. Can we go back to my room or...your room?"

Sitting up wasn't as easy as he'd thought it would be and he realized he'd underestimated just how bad bad had been.

"It has to be me. I just need...I need to tell you...and then it'll be okay. We'll be okay."

Edited 2019-01-19 03:14 (UTC)

Alec wanted to argue that the problem wasn't Jace. They were both part of the bond and they both had ignored the fact that it was deteriorating. He kept his expression concerned, hoping that Jace wouldn't notice the wariness that crept through him when his parabatai kept acting like there was something wrong with him. "The medics looked you over. There's nothing wrong with you now."

There'd been a few times when Alec had doubted them, unable to feel Jace and seeing how badly hurt he'd been. But now he was supposed to be whole. It'd be awhile before he'd be allowed back on duty but there would be no long term damage.

Helping Jace sit up, Alec wanted to protest that he needed to stay in the infirmary but he had the feeling that Jace would do more damage to himself if he stayed than if Alec helped him to his room. "We can go to your room. If you let me help you."

"This isn't something a rune can fix, I've tried." Too many sleepless nights and runes to help get him through the day and he still hadn't been able to fix this.

Jace was glad Alec agreed to let him leave and braced himself against Alec as he slid off the bed onto the floor. He was barefoot. He'd forgotten that he'd only been wearing his pajama pants when Alec came into his room.

"I don't think I can do this without your help." And he meant all of it. Not just getting back to his room. "You didn't tell anyone I was here did you?"

He really didn't want to run into someone waiting outside to ambush him.

Despite knowing that Jace was right, he couldn't stop the feeling of disappointment that Jace's words caused. He knew that a rune wouldn't fix it but he'd hoped that maybe it was something that repeating the ceremony might correct. If Jace wanted to repeat the ceremony. There were times when Alec had wondered if Jace wanted to be his parabatai.

Alec knew that he hadn't been the easiest person to live with. His infatuation had hurt their relationship but Alec had been sure that it could be mended. Until now. Now he wasn't so sure that it could be fixed.

Despite his worries, he still gave Jaca a flat look. "Of course I didn't. As Head of the Institute I thought it'd be a great idea to hide the fact that a Shadowhunter nearly died in his room because he tried to refuse medical treatment." That probably wasn't the best way to deal with the situation but sometimes he couldn't stand how Jace ignored the rules, risking everything that they'd built together just so he could deal with his insomnia.

"Everyone knows but I also ordered everyone to leave you alone until you asked for visitors." Except for him, but as Jace's parabatai he could be the exception to the rule. No one forced parabatai to be apart unless it was absolutely necessary. Wrapping his arm around Jace's waist, he considered if Jace would be able to make it to his quarters. "Are you able to walk?"

The moment Alec wrapped his arm around him Jace turned towards him and hugged him so tightly. At least, as tightly as he could manage when he felt so completely exhausted he could sleep just like he was, wrapped around Alec, even standing on his toes.

"I think I can manage with some help." He'd hated asking for help, always having to stand on his own, prove himself to everyone watching. Everyone except Alec. "I'm going to fix this, I promise."

He truly believed that if he told Alec everything their bond would be whole again. When he pulled away he wanted desperately to hold Alec again, to tell him everything, to let go of the fear and heartache he'd been carrying around.

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