"I don't think I count as a leader." He'd never have the Institute, and he never had wanted it even if he was the eldest. He wasn't suited for that role and the Clave would never accept a nineteen year old who was dating a male warlock as the head of an Institute. "But I like fixing problems." That was a more important duty. Everyone was so caught up in discussions and arguments that they needed someone who would get to the heart of a problem and look for solutions. "It's okay that I'm different than them. There's nothing wrong with me." Which was something that Alec never thought he'd say until he'd started falling for Magnus.
Making a soft sound that wasn't quite meant as agreement, he kissed his husband, focusing on the more serious comment instead of the compliment. "That's why you have me, Magnus. I help you escape when spells won't work and when the prison is one that isn't easily escaped." Magnus had helped free him and for as long as Alec lived, he'd be beside Magnus to help with the mental 'prisons' that were so difficult to escape.
If Magnus hadn't kissed his hand, he probably would have kept his worries to himself, but Alec knew that hiding things had almost destroyed their relationship in the past. "What if you don't want me after you get your memories back?" he asked softly, not quite able to meet Magnus' eyes. He'd been angry at Alec, rightly so, and Catarina had helped Magnus decide to give him a second chance. Here there was no Catarina to plead his case or to help Magnus through that hurt. "I did something that hurt you. What if you don't want to forgive me when you remember it?"
Playing with one of Magnus' rings, he knew that the memories were something that he couldn't avoid. Eventually Magnus would find the spell and...
"He's skittish. It's like he's ready to panic any time I'm out of sight, and I have no idea how to get through to him. Patience worked after his father died but this is more than just grief." There was something else there that Alec didn't understand. "Even when I almost died, he wasn't this scared of losing me." Once Jace had known he was stable, he'd spent most of his time with Clary. Ignoring the twist of jealousy that caught in his chest, he swallowed hard, not thinking of how much that had hurt when he'd realized that Jace wasn't visiting him like he used to. "What have you noticed about him that's different?" It'd be better to know more about the odd behavior before deciding how to react to it.
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Making a soft sound that wasn't quite meant as agreement, he kissed his husband, focusing on the more serious comment instead of the compliment. "That's why you have me, Magnus. I help you escape when spells won't work and when the prison is one that isn't easily escaped." Magnus had helped free him and for as long as Alec lived, he'd be beside Magnus to help with the mental 'prisons' that were so difficult to escape.
If Magnus hadn't kissed his hand, he probably would have kept his worries to himself, but Alec knew that hiding things had almost destroyed their relationship in the past. "What if you don't want me after you get your memories back?" he asked softly, not quite able to meet Magnus' eyes. He'd been angry at Alec, rightly so, and Catarina had helped Magnus decide to give him a second chance. Here there was no Catarina to plead his case or to help Magnus through that hurt. "I did something that hurt you. What if you don't want to forgive me when you remember it?"
Playing with one of Magnus' rings, he knew that the memories were something that he couldn't avoid. Eventually Magnus would find the spell and...
"He's skittish. It's like he's ready to panic any time I'm out of sight, and I have no idea how to get through to him. Patience worked after his father died but this is more than just grief." There was something else there that Alec didn't understand. "Even when I almost died, he wasn't this scared of losing me." Once Jace had known he was stable, he'd spent most of his time with Clary. Ignoring the twist of jealousy that caught in his chest, he swallowed hard, not thinking of how much that had hurt when he'd realized that Jace wasn't visiting him like he used to. "What have you noticed about him that's different?" It'd be better to know more about the odd behavior before deciding how to react to it.