angelic_archer | Alec never wants to drink again wayfaring

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Alec never wants to drink again wayfaring_stranger

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[It takes a few minutes and the sharp burn of more alcohol to allow Alec to process what Jace had said. He was the first guy that Jace had kissed. It probably should make him angry but it doesn't. It would have hurt worse if Jace had been fooling around with other guys while not noticing Alec.

It's still weird and a snarl of conflicting emotions but he doesn't feel any of the resentment that would have ate at him if Jace had been dating both guys and girls. At least when he'd seen Jace with girls, he could accept that he wasn't Jace's type.]

"I'm glad I was the first. I don't think I could have dealt with seeing you with another guy."

[He wondered if seeing him with Magnus bothered Jace but his parabatai is in love with Clary.]

"I thought maybe all the girls were your way of hiding."

[Ducking his head, he tried to sort through the conflicting feelings. Everything felt the same and different now. Jace had never been this open with his emotions and after weeks of Jace pushing him away, Alec keeps trying to guess the hidden meaning in everything.

Except that smirk. Jace is never going to let that go.]

"You know what I did. And a few days later he quit talking to me."

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[Jace had to take another drink because Alec was closer to the truth than he had ever been when he believed his parabatai hadn't noticed him. He'd been hiding. Mostly from Alec. Mostly because he wanted someone better for Alec. And he hadn't really been sure he was interested in kissing guys until he'd kissed Alec for the first time. He hadn't even been sure of girls until he'd met Clary. Short term dating girls was one thing. Being a complete idiot over one was another. And he had been an idiot since meeting Clary even he could admit that now. Maybe only to Alec.

But then he's staring at Alec, trying to decipher this confusing relationship problem his brother is having.]

"You had sex with him and he stopped talking to you?"

[The blush worsens until Alec is sure he probably going to pass out from embarrassment. It isn't like he hasn't seen his siblings making out with their dates. Alec had just kept everything hidden and hoped that no one noticed anything unusual. Except Jace had seen the bite marks on his neck and there were only so many people with fangs that Alec would let bite him.

He hadn't even been able to come up with a plausible excuse for the bite marks.

Bowing his head, he wonders how much he can drink and how quickly before he passed out and he didn't have to deal with this.]

"Yes."

[It sounded like something out of those romance novels that Izzy reads. Jace is never going to let him live this down.]

"If you say anything about bad sex, I will force you to eat Izzy's cooking for a month."

"Just for that threat I should say something about bad sex. But that's not what I was going to say."

[Even feeling the way he is right then, between alcohol and Alec's blushing, and then there is the kissing Alec part he hasn't forgotten, Jace manages to not look as intoxicated as he's starting to feel when he turns to face Alec.]

"I was going to say maybe Magnus realized just how deeply he is in love with you once he got you naked. And had sex with you. So much so he got scared or perhaps he thinks you'll never love him with the same conviction because you're scared to tell anyone. Maybe he wants to be accepted as much as you do, but you won't give him that."

[That was a lot of maybe's he decided.]

"I think I'm right about Magnus and his feelings for you. I've only kissed you twice. The damage you could do to my heart if I slept with you is terrifying."

"I'd make sure she made that soup again."

[He still has nightmares about that soup. Greater Demons weren't as scary as Izzy's cooking.]

"You might not have been planning on saying it but you were thinking it."

[It's easier to joke than to think about the fact that he's discussing his sex life with his crush who happens to also be his brother. When had his life become this crazy? When Clary showed up. Another reason why he still isn't fond of the redhead.]

"We'd gotten mostly naked before. You did trade me to him for a night."

[There had been a reason why he'd been so enthusiastic about Jace going off without him. But Jace might be right. It could have changed things even if there really hadn't been much of Alec's virginity left by the time he turned eighteen.]

"I... "

[Wait... what? Jace had liked kissing him. No. He had to be joking. He tried to glare at Jace but it took too much energy for Alec to reach the proper level of indignation.]

"You shouldn't joke about things like that.

"What if they exile me because I'm gay? I'll never see you and Izzy and Max again. I can't choose between Magnus and losing all of you."

"Then they lose us both."

[Jace didn't doubt for a moment he would stand by Alec and threaten to be exiled as well. Maybe even Izzy, too. But he and Alec wouldn't let Izzy go with them. And now he was actually thinking about what they would do or where they would go if they did get exiled. Maybe they would invite Magnus along. Or they could move in with Magnus.

Nope. Listening to Alec and Magnus having sex would probably drive him crazy. But Alec would be happy and isn't that what they were trying to work out here. How best to make Alec happy.]

"I had been hoping that trade had worked out for both of us in the end."

[He sighed and rubbed at his face.]

"I said I wouldn't push you and I won't. Not with your parents and not Magnus. Not until you've had time to consider what I said. You do need to talk to him even if it means getting turned into a goat for the night because you have to be sure of his feelings and he needs to be sure of yours."

[He picked up the bottle and eyed the contents for a moment before setting it down and deliberately pushing it away.]

"You'd leave if they exiled me?"

[He looks slightly dazed by the thought. He'd never thought Jace would support him like that. Sneak out to see him even if he was exiled, but not leave with him.]

"That's not what the vow is supposed to mean."

[But that was what they had promised. Jace might push him away but he'd never left him. Not unless he had been forced to. Even considering that, it still awed him that Jace would leave because of him.]

"It... uh..."

[When he'd seen Jace again, Alec had expected his parabatai to notice a few new bite marks but no one had said anything.]

"Do you really think that's why he stopped talking to me? I didn't do anything... I don't seem like his type."

[No matter how much he wants to pretend it isn't true, Jace is right. He's never going to be able to move on or accept what's happened if he doesn't know why Magnus is trying to leave him.]

"Are you willing to spend the night as a goat with me if I go over there?"

"I'd leave if they exiled you."

[Jace said it with absolute truth. His life was being a Shadowhunter, but Alec was part of his life. He'd said the words, bonded by rune and oath, a promise. Without Alec...he didn't want to think about what it would be like without Alec.]

"Magnus Bane noticed you the moment you arrived at his party. He saw you. Flirted with you. Left marks on you."

[The last was added with a bit of a smirk. But then Jace was standing, preparing to leave.]

"I already told you I would go with you. Insisted upon it, if I remember correctly."

[That isn't something that Alec ever expected. Jace defined his whole life based on being a Shadowhunter. He'd never expected that he'd be important enough that Jace would give that up for him. The look he gives Jace is part relief, part awe.]

"Thank you, Jace.

It could have just been curiosity. I'm boring."

[Alec had seen some of the guys that Magnus had dated. Yes, he had pretty eyes but that didn't make up for his lack of fashion sense or that he knew so little about Mundane culture.

Knowing that Jace would still go through with this latest bout of insanity, Alec finished his drink and stood. He wobbled for a moment before he found his equilibrium.]

"That doesn't mean you want to be a goat. You could walk me there and leave."

"No. I plan on reminding him later it was me who got you two back together."

[Without thinking Jace had his hand on Alec's arm, helping to steady him. He knew he didn't have to do anything. Alec would be fine. He wasn't that drunk.]

"You're not boring. You're...drunk and missing your Warlock boyfriend."

[What he thought Alec was may be better kept to himself. He wasn't in love with him. But his feelings for his parabatai were complicated.]

"If we get back together. He might say no."

[Especially if Alec's not sure if he's ready to come out of the closet. Jace knows and Izzy knows but their parents and Max... What if never saw Izzy or Max again because of this?

Even if he didn't need the help, he still smiled at the gesture. It was something that Jace would have done before Clary. There had always done things like that for each other. It had been natural between them until Clary had invaded their lives. Then everything had changed.]

"I've missed you doing that."

[He was too drunk to be dealing with his annoyance with Clary and how Jace turned into another person after he'd met her. It made him say things he shouldn't.

Rolling his eyes, he let out a soft chuckle.]

"If I'm not boring why do you ditch me whenever you can?"

[At least it sounds like a joke like Alec had intended. There still was a sting of old hurts beneath the words but he could ignore it if Jace did.]

"You're my parabatai."

[The reason was far more complex than that, but all the reasons he had meant he couldn't always be around Alec. Not when he had wanted to kiss him like he had tonight. Like he wanted to do now. More than anything he wanted to see Alec happy and free to be himself. If he couldn't be the person to do that for him then he knew who might be capable.]

"If he says no."

"You ditch me because I'm you're parabatai? That's not how it's supposed to work."

[Or maybe he'd heard too many stories about the Shadowhunters in the past. They never seemed to leave their parabatai behind or leave them because of a girl.]

"Why do you think he's going to say yes? Going there isn't going to fix the problem if he wants me to make some grand gesture."

"Going there is the grand gesture. You're refusing to give up. It's romantic and it means there is hope."

[Jace pulled Alec towards the door, easily pretending he didn't have to answer the first of Alec's words to him. That wasn't how it was suppose to work, but that's how he had to make this work. Kissing Alec was too easy, too warm, too nice, and he'd been avoiding it for so long. If he couldn't give Alec everything he deserved he had no right to be kissing him so freely. They needed to get Magnus's.]

"I go there all the time. Or did."

[Until Magnus had quit answering his texts.]

"Since when do you give advice on what's romantic? Until a few weeks ago you never wanted a relationship to last more than a few days."

[It had been one of the reasons why Alec had hoped that maybe Jace might be bi. He still wonders since Jace had kissed him and had threatened to do it again. Which was weird. It might explain why Magnus was sometimes jealous of Alec's parabatai.

"Magnus thinks you're cute."

[It really isn't something he should say but loosened inhibitions...]

"Girls like romance. I learned about romance."

[It was a simple straightforward explanation. But before Clary none of the girls had been about love or romance. They had been for Alec. Trying to get his parabatai to look in another direction. If he could give Alec everything he wanted and deserved, he thought turning to look at Alec curiously, he would. And that couldn't happen. They had taken an oath and he Alec deserved better.

Something he seemed to have to remind himself over and over again lately.]

"Magnus doesn't like me, but he thinks I'm cute?"

"Magnus isn't a girl."

[Alec couldn't stop himself from saying it, grinning as he glanced over at his parabatai.]

"That's the problem for mom and dad. Not a girl."

[Being a warlock probably wouldn't help matters but Izzy dated Downworlders and no one really complained.]

"The two of you are too similar. That's why he doesn't like you."

[He really should have stopped a few drinks ago since he couldn't seem to shut up when he should. Talking about Magnus and Jace is a terrible idea. Especially when they usually drove each other crazy.]

"And you're my first love so he's jealous. But he does think you're cute. He stares at both of us when we go hunting."

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Alec never wants to drink again wayfaring_stranger

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